S***hole Countries

S***hole Countries

S***hole is a noun. It has plural form: s***holes. So s*** remains non-countable, whereas holes can be many. When I studied English in my native country of Romania, I had not learned this. I just had to deal with the s*** word and then pronounce and make the difference between hole and whole and hall and haul. Now go f*** college because between studying Shakespeare in its original writing, then taking American literature classes and British history lectures, I still never managed to pronounce all of these in the different way they were intended. Oh…and I’ve been living most of my adult life in Washington, D.C.

(Note to readers:  I use the asterisk not because I’m a lady, but Facebook won’t allow me to post such profanity!)

So, as you may or may not be able to imagine, waking up the other day in the above mentioned location, I learned that my adoptive country’s President basically called ME and millions of fellow Americans, s***hole immigrants. Knowing myself (after 4 books written about oneself, one would know thyself, wouldn’t you say?) — So knowing myself, the first thing I do is research the meaning of s***hole. I highly hoped for a definition along the lines of gorgeous, successful, amazing, Shangri-La type of countries.

The s***ty Oxford Press University dictionary however tells me that this newly acquired expression is, quote, “vulgar slang”, meaning an “extremely shabby, dirty place.”

BLIMEY! The Brits are lying again about the American English language! C’est pas vrai!

Things do not add up in my little communist s***hole born head. A MONOLINGUAL PERSON, meaning someone who can speak, read, write one language only, doesn’t have the synonymic dexterity of a jetsetter’s 2-pound Pomeranian who knows how to sit, talk, stand, eat in several languages?!  FAKE NEWS. I totally refuse to believe any human can be less educated than a Instagram hedgehog pet who understands Russian, English and French!

Whether the President of THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA used those words or not, it is not something I even remotely intend to debate. Enough of the ignorant pundits, insta-celebrities, snapchat intellectuals.  I viscerally despise politics.

But I love languages and words. And have some degreed ‘authority’ in stating that if you only speak one language and still can’t find less vulgar vocabulary to express yourself, then that is pretty s***ty. And nobody likes that because it stinks. Just like the 2lb pom farting while traveling business class. There’s no class. It’s just business. Business as usual in Washington, D.C.

P.S. I want to express my admiration for the international media for their fascinating ability of translating the aesthetic concept of ‘s***hole countries’ in colorful, yet not nearly as intricately vulgar, dialogue. Too bad they all got lost in translation!

Ioana